I hear many people say, “Forgiveness is not for me” or “ I am not yet ready to forgive”; and such conclusions prevent their seeing of what is holding them back from moving ahead in their lives. Ironically, people would rather choose to suffer at the expense of their beliefs and ideas, than let go of the memory and pain of the past. Its rather sad that they have to seek permission from their minds to free their souls.

Not knowing that forgiveness has nothing to do with others, they continue to project their hurt on the outside world; making somebody or many people responsible for their miserable states. Time and again we are only proving that others hold the keys to our happiness and oscillate in the game of blame and shame feeling like a victim. In other words, resistance to forgiveness is an act of choosing to stay in an egocentric state for want of more suffering.

A suffering is caused once but created multiple times by remembering the incident, so the addictive chemicals of resentment can be felt over and over again. The mind is habituated to swing back into the past to feel the same misery repeatedly.

Why would anyone do that? Why is it so difficult to forgive?

For the want of soothing resistance, let’s redefine forgiveness. Someone once told me that an apology doesn’t mean he/ she is wrong and the others have an upper hand over the situation; it simply means that both parties could have handled the situation better. And that’s it! It can end there and you could begin again.

So, forgiveness is an act of dropping righteousness. Most people have so much resistance towards the word ‘SORRY’; it’s grossly misunderstood to be inappropriate and the ego seems to be doing a great job of convincing us to not lean into love. The more resistance we create in letting go, the more stuck we are in the same condition. Consequently, we activate the same in our vibrations and attract evermore circumstances and people who supposedly disappoint us (by not living up to our expectations of how they should behave or BE). As a result, the list of antagonists keeps increasing and we start living in mistrust.

Let’s change the lens and view situations from awareness.

Somehow we live in a fantasy that people must have similar views and that consensus creates order. On the contrary, as per Law of Attraction, the universe celebrates diversity and difference of opinions. It is ok to have as many perspectives and it’s wonderful to even honour them. What isn’t advisable is to fix or manipulate others to agree on what we feel is appropriate. Such righteousness aka ‘Emotional dictatorship’ claims authority over others’ lives and actions so we could feel happier. The truth being that this is a diverse and abundant universe and we can all coexist with our differences. When we live by this premise, where is the question of hurt or forgiveness for anybody?

Our work must then be, to contemplate on the futility of abiding in self-fulfilling prophecies and patterns and growing evermore in the experience of letting go all ideas of right or wrong, for there is only one goal to attain: freedom! Forgiveness offers us the gift of spirit, for it makes us humble and accepting of situations. When we release the energies of anger, sadness or expectations, we are freeing life force to move ahead in life with new vigour and enthusiasm. When we forgive or seek forgiveness, there is a release that also creates a sense of relief which is so liberating, that one is filled with inspiration that can only come along with the gift of lightness in the act of forgiveness. We may shed tears or we may laugh, but an insight that had been hiding beneath the shadows of the ego is revealed, and flashed into our awareness like a fresh breath of air. Truly, we suffocate when we hold back the flow of life just because somebody did not fulfil our projections of who they must be so we could be happy.

A big aspect when talking about forgiveness is self-forgiveness. So many of us hold insurmountable guilt in our consciousness of the past ‘misdoings’. Even if it’s in the remote past and has no relevance to the present, the sword of self-punishment is always hanging by our heads, misguiding us into the perils of self-sabotage. For all those seeking a perspective here, I would urge you to recognise/ appreciate that reality is the culmination of many contributing forces. A good look at the rear view mirror will show that all parties involved were responsible for the supposed manifestation to occur in time and space, as matching vibrations caused the same. One may learn what to do or what not to do and value the lessons learnt; but the emotion and the experience can be dropped as there really are no mistakes in life. Yes, you read it right! Everything is in divine and perfect order now and forever!

This, by no means is intended to advocate or support one’s insensitive actions or behaviours. Of course, we may have caused hurt or harm to others, sometimes knowingly or unknowingly, sometimes intentionally or unintentionally; for which one must seek sincere forgiveness from others. However, we may not have any control on others’ choice to forgive or not. The best one could do is offer space, feel compassion and bless others so they could also enjoy the fruits of forgiveness. Your point of power lies in how you handle your vibrations and the one who is aligned to Source knows that he/ she cannot imprison the self  till others release their hurt. Be watchful of not getting trapped in your own drama as guilt is a very heavy energy that doesn’t permit a way out towards freedom.

To conclude, here are some words of wisdom : Nothing serious going on here. Everything is here to pass and the law of impermanence ensures that we move on. But to stay stuck is a freewill and we can only hope and pray that people use their freewill judiciously. Practising ‘Ho’oponopono’ and mentally repeating and feeling these golden words, ‘I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thankyou’, can save you from accumulating karma. These words are miraculous, creating shifts in our consciousness. Each time we seek forgiveness from our own divinity for going astray, believing our projections and creating judgements for self and/ or others; Ho’oponopono can help us align to our Higher Self and stay centred in source.

This blog is incomplete if I don’t emphasise on the power of CTC (cut the crap) and MYOB (mind your own business). If you could just witness what is getting brewed in your head, you will laugh at the drama your mind creates as a scriptwriter. There is no need to process so much, there are just too many stories and not everything needs your validation; drop the baggage and just live simply in gratitude and appreciation, enjoying your present moment and sipping the flavours of joy! And trust me, forgiveness is for You !

Naz Chougley

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